Jun
09
Top 10 Ways to Keep a 2 Year Old Quiet
June 9th, 2008 by Kim Lefko
Every parent knows the anxiety that comes when you receive a wedding invitation that says “children invited”. The first thought that rushes through your head is, how will I keep our daughter quiet during the wedding service? Now that my husband & I are experiencing life with a 2 year old – it’s amazing how many occasions arise where QUIET is required. Here are some recent situations we have faced where “peace & quiet” was required; a family funeral/memorial service, a nice restaurant with friends, an international flight for 8+ hours (have you heard of a child & parent getting kicked off a plane?!) and even a Basketball foul shooting contest.
When you think of QUIET you would NEVER think of a 2 year old.
Of course the gut response is…well don’t take your daughter. Sometimes, as we all know, that is easier said than done.
Therefore, I have created a Top 10 List of Tricks to Keep a Toddler Quiet (or at least my toddler!)
* Keep in mind, the tricks should be quiet, small, entertaining and easily done independently
#10: Food! Of course this one is easy. But the tip is the food selection and package you use. Lesson learned from us; of course Goldfish is a sure winner but the package is LOUD. Transfer the fish to a small [quiet] plastic container.
#9: Don’t forget a Drink. WATER is ideal (no color in the beverage in case of a spill).
#8: A mini Etch-A-Sketch
#7: Save up 2-3 toys from the Happy Meal (and don’t let them see prior to the Quiet Event) Lesson learned from us on this one; make sure the toys don’t wind up or make a noise. You can imagine the scene when you take the noisy toy away from them. (yeah…we learned the hard way at a memorial service)
#6: A small ring notebook with a pen attached by a string (so they don’t drop it) and a roll of stickers attached to the front cover. Attachment is critical so it doesn’t drop during the event.
#5: Don’t forget a favorite animal or blanket. Try to by-pass on the pacifier. (there is something about a toddler in public with a binky that seems to cause the commotion you’re trying to avoid.)
#4: This one is specific for flights – but the video ipod with some free cartoon downloads is a great way to get 30-45 minutes of peace & quiet.
We once witnessed a couple out to dinner and they propped up their toddler with a DVD player on the table in front of her. That seemed quite excessive and a little too child-centered for us. Therefore, we have restricted this video ipod trick to long flights.
#3: Don’t try and switch up their normal routine in the hopes of them sleeping through the event if this isn’t their time to nap. Trust us on this one! (where do you think Bear got her nickname?)
#2: Sit at the end of the aisle, perimeter of a restaurant, or the outskirts of an event – this will make for an easy exit if things go terribly wrong.
#1: Have the “you’re a big girl” conversation before hand. It’s amazing how much children want to impress and please their parents. We talk about the need to be quiet and “you’re a big girl now”. We try to steer clear of bribery. THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THIS…when she makes it through a quiet event successfully – praise her!! We are so proud, you are so amazing, and you are such a big girl. On the flip side, when the quiet event goes terribly wrong…tell her she was a bad girl. It may seem harsh but how do we expect them to learn right from wrong and good manners from bad?
Of course these are just our tricks - what tricks have worked for you?
June 9th, 2008 at 8:19 pm |
what usually works for me is my handy dandy roll of duct tape that i keep in my purse. just kidding. i usually go with food - goldfish, raisins, fruit chewy things and plenty of juice. i learned the hard way that books don’t always work with my 2-year-old. i brought along one of his favorites when we went to church one sunday and he loudly announced, “look mommy, a truck!!! look mommy, a car!!!” i tucked the book away quickly and let him doodle on an offering envelope instead. i love the mini etch-a-sketch idea. i must invest in one soon!
June 9th, 2008 at 10:29 pm |
I don’t want to brag but my 2 1/2 year old doesn’t need these tricks.
I really don’t think you can be successful with all these tricks for a long time if the whole child’s life is peaceful. I mean, you have to look at the long term and that means that life needs to be peaceful all of the time. Then going to a special event when the child needs to be quiet will be nothing special at all.
So try to:
1. Have a very strict routine all the time. Children love it, you know? Be even more strict about routine just before the event
2. No sugar. None at all. That includes beverages
3. Be calm all the time. Yelling at children will make everything worse. Besides, they’ll know they’re in control when that happens. If they misbehave don’t yell but don’t ignore it either. Make disapproving glances - work at that frown - and slowly and with a low voice make them feel that what they’re doing isn’t pleasing you
Finally: realize that sometimes you are just asking for too much from a child. If they’re not into something you will know right away. Just don’t insist, because you and everybody else will get a huge headache if you do. Consider leaving the child with a relative and praise him/her if he/she behaved well in your absence.
June 10th, 2008 at 2:07 am |
Surely you’re kidding about the “tell her she’s a bad girl” part, right? Feedback about a child’s behavior need never be couched in those sort of terms…
June 10th, 2008 at 2:21 am |
i LOVE this post!! thank you so much! as for the ipod routine, check out these cases i found http://ifrogz.com/tadpole/index.php perfect for your little one to wrap her hands around, and its also made of rubber to protect against those inevitable drops.
One thing i did not agree with however, is calling children bad for misbehaving. This is just my opinion, and everyone has their own, but i think it’s very important to differentiate between the action and the child. For example, instead of saying “You were a bad girl” we should be saying “what you were doing was bad” or “your tantrum was bad.” Like i said, may just be me, but i find it very important for a child to know that their parents think they are a good kid, even tho they sometimes misbehave. Its the behavior that is bad, our children are good.
Just my 2 cents. Thanks for an amazing post!
June 11th, 2008 at 8:53 am |
Very good posting. As a mother of five I have used each of these tricks more than once to get through an event. In fact, we have always been able to take our children to movies at a young age and enjoy things as a family. I have to disagree with the comment about keeping kids on a strict routine. The worst thing a parent can do is teach their kids that the world revolves around the kids. Our lives change when we have kids but they should not turn it upside down.
As for a peaceful environment, try having five kids in the house. That’s not a reality and quite frankly I wouldn’t want it to be because I love the energy of my home. I do agree though with not yelling at our kids but I have to admit that I’ve had my moment more than once.
I also have to disagree with the one thing you said about being a bad girl. I agree with Mike when he says that we should point out the bad behavior. Rememeber, they are only 2 and testing boundaries to see just how far they can go. It too is my opinion and we each have our own but again, great posting with great ideas!!!
June 11th, 2008 at 10:56 am |
You have a lot of good ideas, and I enjoyed the article up until the end. I have to admit that the comment about telling her she is bad just ruined any respect for your parenting advice that the rest of the article had brought. Meltdowns come with toddlerhood, and expecting too much from them just makes everyone frustrated and sets you up for failure. Your child is not bad for simply being immature and unable to make adult decisions all the time, and I find it very very unfair that you would put her into that situation and then make her feel horrible for not acting like a little adult.
June 11th, 2008 at 5:01 pm |
As a first time parent who is always open to growth opportunities…I appreciate the feedback. And I must say we strive to always infuse optimism in our parenting style. So I’m taking these comments to heart.
Over the past 48 hours I have been analyzing my word choice with our daughter, given all of the comments.
And I love the comment it should be about correcting the “bad behavior” and separating that behavior from who my daughter is (such a good girl!). That’s a great perspective. And this clear separation will be a Golden Rule moving forward in our household.
Thanks everyone…
June 11th, 2008 at 5:27 pm |
I had to chime in here because Kim is a good friend of mine and while our parenting style is not always the same, one thing that is for sure, is that Kim is always commmitted to parenting with optimism.
I know she has taken all of these comments to heart. It is ironic that Kim would be the one of us to be seen as negative because she is 99% of the time, the one bringing the rest of us up here in the office. I know she appreciates the comments though and she was certainly happy/suprised to see all of the engagement from our readers.
June 11th, 2008 at 6:47 pm |
I don’t believe that Kim meant she actually told the child she was bad. The article was written to adults and the rest of what she said and did does not suggest to me she would call her child bad. I believe it was the simply the easiest way to get the point across, which she did. At least I got the implication, and it seems that many others did to when they wrote back saying things like, seperate the child from the behavior and generally don’t call your child bad.
That said, I wonder how many of you who are jumping on this whole “bad thing” have used the “Santa’s watching” to correct behavior. I believe the song goes “who’s naughty or nice” Naughty or Bad - pretty close. Remember children if your naughty/bad you get coal. That has been around for a long time and I don’t know of any scared children because of it.
People are getting caught up to much on the individual words and missing the overall message. Others just have to pick out something so they can write one of these blogs.
Her message was how to keep your two year old at a social event and overall she had some great ideas. So I say thanks, and if calling her kids bad is the worst thing she ever does, she deserves an award. Thanks Kim.
No I didn’t spell check and I don’t type well so if you find an error, good for you, your english teacher would be proud.
June 11th, 2008 at 6:51 pm |
Kim Lefko’s article is great! I truly believe that we all grow as parents and our language choices change as we grow. The article is informative and helpful to all parents. I have used these suggestions with my own three children and still do. Let’s not get hung up on language!!! Children do need to evaluate and understand that their actions/choices have consequences. Sometimes the simplest and most direct words teach children the most.
June 11th, 2008 at 8:36 pm |
Such a helpful article! And so timely too! We’re going on a flight to San Francisco with our 21-month-old daughter next month and I fully intend to use a few of these tactics.
Thanks!
June 11th, 2008 at 8:40 pm |
I, too, have to agree with most of the readers about the “bad girl” part. I certainly point out when my daughter’s behavior is inappropriate or rude, but I try to give specific feedback like “that wasn’t polite when you hit your cousin - how do you think she felt?” or “next time, I’d like you to be extra quiet when uncle eric prays. it’s rude to talk when people are praying…”
June 12th, 2008 at 10:05 am |
Food and coloring are really the only thing our toddler can do on our laps while being quiet. We learned the hard way about bringing favorite toys -which just happen to be trucks - because DS makes the sound effect. Cute, but definitely not quiet.
I really don’t think gentle cooing and soft talking is such a bad thing. Screaming and such is really unacceptable though.
As far as the “bad girl”, I don’t really agree with it….but it’s a simple fix. Simply move the focus from the child to the behavior. When DS misbehaves or interrupts, we stress that the behavior was bad and then make him apologize.
June 12th, 2008 at 12:45 pm |
hello again. I just wanted to tell you that I’m very pleased with your follow up comment. I could tell from the rest of your article that you try to be fair and positive, which is why the “bad” part stood out so clearly. For what its worth (which I know isn’t much since I’m just some random person on the internet) respect re-earned!
June 12th, 2008 at 6:20 pm |
I agree with everything except the “Bad Girl” idea. I never, ever tell my kids they are bad girls. I may not like their behavior, but I would never want them to feel that they are inherently bad. Not a good idea.
Otherwise, great. At this point we try not to take our 2 and 4 year olds out to too many oublic events because it’s just not fun for us or them. But if we have to, food is always a great distractor.
And to Nuno Lagoa: You’re joking right? If not, get over yourself, please.
June 12th, 2008 at 10:12 pm |
As a mother of six, I have a hard time reading some of the blogs that have been posted. I find it interesting that parents today are so worried about protecting the self esteem of their children and JUMP on Kim’s choice of words. If only more parents were worried about how their two year olds were behaving and not chalking it up to “being a toddler.” They will likely be the same parents that say…”they are only teenagers.” I am sure Kim’s daughter did not hear, ” I am a bad girl”, but did however understand that what she did was unacceptable. If only more parents were willing to go out on the limb that society won’t go out on, because they are worried about how their child will feel! It is my strong belief that we need to teach our children the principle of respect and that life does not center around them! Did Grandma really care if she hurt our feelings when she disciplined us? She did care that we knew how to respect her and authority!! Kim, keep doing what you are doing, I admire and appreciate your boldness.
June 20th, 2008 at 4:21 pm |
Are you others really not reading Kim’s response after some people took offense to TWO WORDS on her blog??? She stated that she had self reflected and would in the future separate behavior from child, although I don’t feel it’s needed. I agree with Annette’s statements on children thinking about others and respecting authority.
I teach kindergarten and frequently encounter parents who are in denial of their children’s behavior in school. Nobody wants their child to make poor choices, but it happens. If the “poor choices” are not corrected early, what will the “poor choices” turn into???
I hope that a majority of parents are teaching their children the importance of good behavior!!! I spend a lot of time at home and at work talking and modeling what are acceptable behaviors and what are not acceptable!!!
July 1st, 2008 at 4:07 am |
Great ideas - INCLUDING the last one. Children shouldn’t be coddled and treated like porcelain toys. If all I ever got for misbehaving as a child was “you are a bad girl”, I’d be a very different person. As it was, my dad had no hesitation about taking me outside and giving me a good spanking when I “tested my boundaries”. At the age of two, children don’t really respond well to reason and quiet placating. However, I’ve found they do respond well to knowing that if they disobey, it’s going to result in something they really don’t like - a spanking, or a strict reprimand.
I’ll definitely keep these ideas in mind, thank you!
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:14 am |
Here’s one: Don’t take your kid to somber events. If there’s something that requires hours of sitting around doing nothing and being quiet, it’s not worth attending, especially with a child. This includes memorial services and weddings. These should be moments of joy about two people being bonded or happy memories shared with family members about the deceased; not some dour, near-silent ceremonial tripe from some priest who doesn’t even know the assembled. I understand the idea of paying respects and all that, but to ask a 2-year-old to sit still and shut up for hours is way beyond that. It’s unnatural.
Yes, my son is quiet when it suits the situation - in fact, he’s very introspective - but I’d never trick him into silence if he was interested in something. After all, if he’s bored, then the situation is boring, and likely, I’m also bored. When he acts up in a public realm that can’t be avoided (grocery, doctor, etc.), where other people can be bothered, he is chided, verbally, such that he know when and where to be loud or energetic and regains composure until an opportune time to unleash his vitality, such as when we return home or stop at a park.
When my father dies, I intend to have a party, to celebrate his life, not some awful ritual. And my son will be free to run around shouting and cavorting however he likes, because that is what my father enjoys in him most. I’m sorry that you worry about appearances and the reputation of you and your family and all that. It’s sad that children cannot just be children.
Clearly I have gotten off topic, and maybe I shouldn’t be posting at all, since this article is obviously not for a person like me. Still, I think you should take a look at your priorities and your motivation to use such “tricks” on your child. If it’s necessary to fool your child into an unnatural state of silence and motionlessness, then maybe you should reconsider why you are where you are in the first place.
July 4th, 2008 at 6:34 am |
I tell my kids that there are ninjas or hippos out in the hallway or behind the door and that if they are not quite they may hear us. Or I sometimes pretend there are crocadiles under their chairs so they wont get up and run around. Some times it produces a little shushing and quiet giggling so I wouldnt recomend this for a wedding or a funeral, or for a child who is prone to phobia.