Celebrating Pregnancy after a Loss

announcingbaby2As many people now know, I am expecting baby #2 in July. What most people don’t know is that this is my third pregnancy. Back in July I was pregnant with my second child, but had some problems in the beginning. I went to the doctor & underwent some tests. At one point, my doctor thought I had an ectopic pregnancy (in which I had to go to the emergency room to make sure that I didn’t). Thankfully this was not the case, but I did miscarry three days later.

This event, as you can imagine, changed my view on pregnancy. I realize now that you can’t take it for granted that you will get pregnant or that you will have a healthy pregnancy (as was the case for PP).  So, when I got pregnant three months later, I was a different person. With my first pregnancy, I told everyone right away thinking that nothing would go wrong. This time around, my frame of mind was much different. When I told my husband & my immediate family that I was expecting, I told them “don’t get attached to this one, just in case.” I even had an ultrasound at 6.5 weeks & saw the heartbeat but I was still hesitant to tell a lot of people since I wasn’t sure if something could go wrong. What should have been a happy time for me and my family was wrought with anxiety that something could go wrong (like last time).

One thing that I have learned through this experience is that a lot of women miscarry. I have several friends that went through this so it was at least nice to have people around you that truly understand how you are feeling. I actually feel like this has brought me even closer to those friends as we shared our stories of loss (which is why I really wanted to write this post. I wanted people to hear what I went through so someone currently going through this may be comforted. It might also be good for them to know you can get through this & happier times might be right around the corner).

Now that I am officially over the hump at 12 weeks, I am starting to celebrate this pregnancy. I am no longer anxious or hesitant to tell people. I realize now that I need to move forward and finally feel like I can. Going through all of this has helped me learn a couple of things – I’ve realized that it helps to talk about it with others- sharing in loss makes everything just a little more manageable. And, most importantly, I know I need to cherish this baby since each baby is truly a miracle & a blessing.  I am really looking forward to celebrating each milestone in this pregnancy and perhaps the heartburn, sickness and fatigue will be a little more welcome this time around.

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9 Responses to “Celebrating Pregnancy after a Loss”

  1. T with Honey January 16, 2009 at 4:00 pm #

    You are far from the only mom who is a bit afraid of fully embracing and cherishing the baby growing in her belly. I wrote on my blog that even with my first child I couched a small part of myself in case of the worst until after the doctor declared her healthy as she lay in my arms. At 13 weeks I’m finally sharing the news with the world – or at least the last people I’m cluing in… my boss and coworkers.

    After my miscarriage the fear got worse. We waited till later to tell everyone in my family except my mom because we didn’t want to break their hearts if it happened again. But it also helped me get through those first trimester symptoms with a little more grace – I knew the nausea and exhaustion are signs of a healthy pregnancy.

    Can’t wait to read more and compare our pregnancies!

  2. casual friday everyday January 16, 2009 at 10:33 pm #

    I was also nervous with this third baby. I was nervous about him up until he was in my arms. It was a rough pregnancy this time around. I wish you a beautifully normal, healthy pregnancy :)

    Nell

  3. Kim January 19, 2009 at 7:56 pm #

    Melissa, you are an inspiration to many by just sharing this extremely personal story. It’s moments like these that make you stop and enjoy every minute…as they are too precious. And I couldn’t agree more that the ability to carry a child is a wonderful gift.
    Thanks for putting your heart out there.

  4. Steph @ Problem Solvin Mom January 20, 2009 at 1:26 pm #

    Congratulations!! While I haven’t miscarried, so many of my friends have that with my first pregnancy I kept waiting for that other shoe to drop. It was well into my second trimester that I finally relaxed.

    What a miracle it truly is, and that’s a reminder we sometimes need with those early symptoms! :)

  5. Jendi January 24, 2009 at 1:55 pm #

    So true!
    I remember those days wrought with anxiety.
    I had 2 miscarriages before my son was born.
    Why don’t we talk about them more? Why don’t we say “I’ve had 5 pregnancies but the first 2 babies are in Heaven?”
    I tell others that it’s good to grieve. Your baby has died and their is a loss that needs recognized. Don’t just push it away or shrug it off.

  6. Melissa Parlaman (Graco contributor) January 26, 2009 at 8:33 am #

    Thanks to everyone for leaving a comment & for sharing your stories. It is great to have so much support!

  7. Trish February 25, 2009 at 2:19 pm #

    Hey. This post and the comments have been really helpful. I have a wonderful 3 year-old daughter with whom I had no trouble conceiving and had an amazing pregnancy resulting in a healthy baby. I took it all for granted. Then we had trouble conceiving again, and I had 2 miscarriages, both at 6 1/2 weeks. I am now 5 1/2 weeks pregnant and feeling the anxiety constantly. I don’t even want to tell my parents about it until I am well clear of the 7 week mark (maybe if I get a great report at a 9 week visit at the OBGYN which is scheduled), and will certainly not tell the world until 12 weeks if I make it. My husband tries, but he totally doesn’t get it, because it’s not his body having all these hormones again and it’s not him who would have to go through all of the physical part of another miscarriage. I just feel very detached from this possible being and must remain that way to protect myself so I’m not crying with anxiety all the time.

    I’m sorry to hear you all had difficulties, but good to know I’m not the only one, and glad to hear the good stuff too.

  8. Steph May 11, 2009 at 9:21 am #

    Thanks for reassuring me that what I’m feeling is not unusual. I have a wonderful 4 1/2 year old daughter, and am currently 17 weeks pregnant. I had a miscarriage last year, and have found myself distancing myself from this pregnancy, and expecting at every step that something would go wrong. At the first ultrasound, when the baby didn’t move right away I expected the worst…same when they couldn’t find the heartbeat immediately at the next appointment. All has gone well and the baby is by all accounts healthy, yet I’m finding myself struggling with this and doubting again now as I wait to feel the baby move. (the time I’ve spent on google checking out symptoms and when to expect them!) Thank you for sharing your story – it is helping others.

  9. Bo August 11, 2009 at 11:12 pm #

    I’m so glad I found these posts, they are truly inspirational and making me feel like I’m not alone. A few months ago my husband and I started trying to get pregnant and surprisingly it happened within the very first month. We were thrilled and I thought to myself that of course we got pregnant so fast since we both are very healthy, athletic and still young. At the 5th week I went to the doctor who confirmed my pregnancy, although there was no heart beat yet. I was scheduled to come back in 2 weeks to see the heart beat of the baby. Within those two weeks I didn’t have any signs of pregnancy, therefore I started to worry but then thought some women never have any signs of pregnancy. When I started joking to the doctor that I may not be pregnant, thinking that woudln’t be possible, he confirmed the worst, I had miscarried. I coudln’t understand how this happened. I started going through all the cases of miscarriages I knew about and in each of them someone either smoked cigarettes or was overweight, then I realized miscarriage can happen to any of us and as Melissa stated in her first post each baby is a true miracle and we should cherish each moment we have with them. I am now 7-week pregnant and have a first doctor appointment this Thursday. I’m extremely nervous thinking of the worst again. I’m praying to see a little bean jumping up and down on the US picture with the 155/min heart beat. Now I have a frequent nausea, therefore I keep convincing myself that maybe this time everything is fine. I just can’t stop thinking about ….’what if’ ….I’m scared, can’t stop tears from falling when I think the doctor may say the same words I already heard once….”the baby isn’t growing or moving”…hope this time things will be fine….

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