A First-Time Expectant Grandparent Flirts with an Empty Nest

We stored our baby crib a very long time ago not wanting to let go of the reminder of our three daughters’ magical first years. There was also the idea (hope!) that we’d someday get to set it up for a grandbaby here or there- an idea which amazingly comes into crystal clarity as one’s own children become adults. Our first “baby” got married 4 years ago but we didn’t truly begin flirting with an empty nest until the last couple of months. Our second daughter moved out at the first of this year on her way to her dream job in Europe. Our last daughter had been living on her own for a couple of years but just moved back home for a couple of months while she finished her degree and then flies the coop for good. This softened the blow but only slightly delayed the inevitable.

Tears, Smiles, Memories, Light, Space – Neatness! Too much space…

What does one do with the excess energy and excitement generated by the contemplation of revisiting that old part of your life and easing out of the best part of your life at the same time? Start tackling those purging projects — that’s what! So begins the domino effect of switching bedrooms around, redecorating, trading possessions and anguishing over the “keep, pitch or donate” dilemmas. So much to do, so many memories, so much ambivalence.

So we get to the crib…..who knows if we’ll ever have grandchildren anyway. We didn’t feel it was our place to probe into any family planning intentions, but of course we were always hoping….. We begin the rationalization process. Ok – the crib is old now. Who knows if it would even pass today’s safety standards? If we ever DO have any grandbabies, we’ll want to get them something of their own anyway. So the decision was to pitch the crib. Done. One last joke to ease the self inflicted loss – “Maybe if we finally throw it out it will bring a grandchild” I kid with Dad. At last, after years of holding on to the sentiment, it was surprisingly easy to toss the old crib.

Who is this???

Sister’s coming home for a visit! – another chance to gather everyone to the homestead for dinner before her final Bon Voyage. So there we all were around the dining room table chattering away and giggling over the usual family jokes and enjoying what Dad used to call “nonsense at the dinnertable.” “Here” my first baby says, “Mom and Dad need to see this,” as she hands an envelope to her sister to pass along down the line. “I don’t have my glasses on,” Dad says as he hands it to me, probably thinking it was a tuition bill that went to her house by mistake or something.

I open the envelope and become instantly confused. I recognize the contents inside as an ultrasound picture. It hits me all at once as I scream “Who is this???? Who is this???? Who is this??? It’s my grandbaby! I’m actually going to have one! The ultrasound picture portrays my not-even-a-fetus-yet grandbaby as 1.5 centimeters and tells me I’ll have to wait until September! Our dinner table nonsense immediately morphs as we are propelled into the litany of questions that helps us begin to absorb the prospect of the future and what our new family member will be like.

Wait! Get the phone! Call the great-grandparents! Grandma excitedly tells the mother-to-be, “I did that a few times myself kid!”, while Mom-Mom’s first reaction to my being a grandmother was a giggly “Which one? “ “Which one?” I respond — like it matters which one?? – I’m going to be a grandmother!

I’m still in disbelief and anxiously excited all at once. I don’t know if I just don’t remember or if I really am more excited about this than I was when I found out I was going to be a mother. I’m calling my friends and telling everyone I see. I’ve only stopped short of announcing it to total strangers on the street. So, if you happen to see me get into the elevator, you may not want to ask me to “hold the door” and risk getting stuck in there with this grandmother- to-be.

I’m reminded of a joke my Mom told me when she was a new grandparent – “If I’d known grandchildren were going to be this much fun, I would have had them first.”