Is Motherhood my Calling?

I have finally decided to come clean about something- I love babies and I cannot wait to be a mommy!! My husband Patrick thinks its really endearing how much I want to start a family. I think we were dating three months before we talked about our future children’s names (they’ve changed a few times over the years!!). I suppose a lot of men might be scared away if  their 21 year old girlfriend of three months was planning so far in advance, especially about children, but I think he knew I was just being realistic

As much as I feel my biological clock has been ticking for a little while now, I always strive to do things the “right” way. I am not claiming that there is a right way and a wrong way to start a family, but I am a traditionalist- I wanted the husband, house and wedding first. So now we’re married and every time I pass on a glass of wine at dinner, have an upset stomach or want Patrick to pick up a particular food on his way home from work, his question is “are you pregnant?” Ahem, no Patrick, we have only been married two months!

We are not even trying, but we are not, not trying either (if you know what I mean). My mom gave me a piece of life advice before I got married- she said “wing it.” Some people may say that’s not even advice, but it so is!! I have always been a planner. I. Plan. Everything. But, I also think that somethings in life are better when they are unexpected. Who doesn’t like a good surprise, right? So we are winging it!

Now that I am expecting, what is supposed to be the unexpected, all I can think about are babies! It’s like I skip over the “not trying,” 40 weeks of even ever being pregnant and my mind is filled with thoughts of holding our little bundle of joy close to me, the sweet smell of a newborn baby, what it will feel like to nurse, how I will ever wake up in the middle of the night (or if I will even mind), dressing our baby in little rock band onesies, changing diapers (and watching my husband change them!), what Pack ‘n Play will match my living room best, soothing my little love to sleep, wondering when a baby is old enough to sit upright in the fabulous Classic Wood Highchair that matches my dining room so well, Easter bonnets, little bow ties, taking long walks around the neighborhood with baby Gilbert in tow, being a real mommy and not just a mommy to two dogs who only depend on me to let them outside and pick up their pooh. I get butterflies just thinking about it (not the pooh, my aspirational offspring).

Do you think some people just destined to be moms? I’m not sure if I am so eager to start a family because I was an only child that grew up with a single mom and just really want the big family dynamic that I never had OR if  its because I had such a loving mom growing up, that I can’t wait to instill the comfort, love, support and care that my mom bestowed on me. I couldn’t even run to the mailbox without telling my mom I loved her before I went out on my one-minute errand… we were very affectionate with each other when I was growing up and we still are. Um, I guess working at Graco could have a little something to do with my baby obsession as well!

Either way, I think being a mom is my calling  and I have felt that way for years. Finally, I am ready to embark on the next chapter of my adult life – motherhood. We are still “winging it,” but hoping for a pleasant surprise in the future.