What Do You Wish Your Child’s Grandparents Just KNEW?? – Graco Get One Give One #4
Posted by Donna Donnelly in December 14th 2009
The Quest to be American Idol Grandparent
Did you ever wish you could just give your child’s Grandparents a list of Dos and Don’ts and avoid all those frustrations, conflicts and potential hurt feelings? If you could just give it to them straight, what would your most important rule be?
I’m now 13 weeks into my career as “Nonna” and I want to do it right. But, figuring out this grandparenting gig is a little tougher than I anticipated and I know there are things DD wants me to know, but doesn’t say. Our little Love Bird SO belongs to me, yet she doesn’t belong to me. I want to help her mom and dad in their parenting adventure, but I’m just not sure exactly how much to reach out and how much to hold back. Hey – I’m new to this role too!
I’ve set out on a journey to discover from parents themselves, what they really wish grandparents would do and what they wish they would not do. There is a lot of advice out there from other grandparents but, not very much from parents themselves.
I decided to start by taking the question to our group here at Graco, where there are so many awesome parents and grandparents with a wealth and breadth of opinions and experience. I’ve tried to summarize the most common responses below. Some are no brainers and some, interestingly were quite surprising. I’ll start by listing some here and hope that all of you experts will send in your WISH!
01. “Let me be the parent” – By far, the largest response dealt with the old “butting in” issue. Parents, even 1st timers want to learn the ropes on their own and lay out their own parenting style. They are looking for advice, but only when they seek it out themselves. They don’t want all the “wisdom” of past generations poured over them. Wait until they ask. Particularly hold back on the criticism. They will remember, ignore and resent that. They truly want to learn “the ropes” themselves.
02. “Be consistent with my children” – The second most common theme among those in my impromptu survey was keeping consistency for the children. You hear so often that it’s a grandparent’s prerogative to spoil the children. Guess what – it seems that your children will appreciate you more if you support them as parents and not turn them into villans. Have the kids follow the same rules at your home and in your care as they do at home. Oh – and by the way – Babyproof your house too if you want them to visit.
03. ”Seek to create grandma/grandpa only special memories”. Parents don’t always have the luxury to make sure that each child gets that “special” one-on-one time. Setting up a regular date or activity that belongs to just your grandchild and you will bond you and help the parents, while creating special memories for all of you. Be the one in charge of swimming lessons, for example, or making the birthday cakes in the family. Even long distance grandparents can do something like send a book of the month. You could even try video reading the story and share it on the computer. Challenging older kids to on-line games is also fun. The potential for new traditions is limitless.
04. “Make sure it is okay with us before you do anything that is out of the normal routine”.
This is probably part of keeping with the rules, but deserves a special call-out. You may think that you are treating a child special when you give them treats they are not supposed to have, for example, but really, you are making the child confused and the parents angry that their authority was undermined. Along with this one goes — “Keep me informed if you are taking them somewhere, when, and for how long you expect to be gone. Let me know when you get back”. Just asking first before you do something with the child shows your children that you respect them as parents.
05. ”Help us out when the kids are sick”. Having a sick child is always a huge source of stress on parents, particularly if they must both leave the home for work and may not be able to bring the child to daycare. Knowing that a sick child is being lovingly taken care of, or having the added assistance of another adult can take the bite out of caring for a sick child.
06. “Pay attention to me too!” This one really surprised me at first, but then I thought back and remembered….. yes! When I first starting bringing the baby around, no one treated me special anymore…. all eyes, hugs, kisses seemed to be on the baby. Let your children know that you really still love them and they are as individually important to you as they always have been. (They do still need their parents for something) 
So, please help us grandparents get it right. Send me your advice!
And, today’s Graco Get One Give One prize is a Graco Pack ‘N Play. Our playards provide everything you need to provide a comfortable, caring environment for your baby. The folding feet and wheels make PNPs easy to carry for no-fuss travel and storage.
Comment below on who you would donate this PNP to, and you could win one for you and for them! For more info on the Graco Get One Give One program, click here!
Today’s contest ends at 4 p.m. – check back daily for additional chances to win and donate.
**COMMENTS ARE NOW CLOSED. PLEASE RETURN TO THE BLOG TOMORROW TO ENTER IN THE REMAINING 12 DAYS OF GET ONE, GIVE ONE! ALL COMMENTS CLOSE AT 4PM EST DAILY**
**UPDATE: Congratulations to VANESSA – You’re our winner!! We will e-mail you to get your address and send you your prize! Thanks for playing everyone – Check back on Monday to see what our prize is going to be!**
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The thing I wish grandparents just knew is to always buy a size bigger when they buy them clothes. They buy such nice clothes but they get them so they just fit now and they get very little use out of them before they grow out of them.
If I won this, I would actually give the donated one to our local church that helps families in need and the one for me, since my kids are too old, I would give to a friend who is currently pregnant.
Thanks!
I also Tweeted…http://twitter.com/WhatsThatSmell/statuses/6665939837
I am very blessed to have 2 sets of wonderful grandparents who want to help. My mom spends a lot of time with my little one and tries really hard and wants to do things “my way.” She said its because her mom never would!!
I would give this Pack’n'play to a friend of mine who is about to become a grandma (a young one). The young couple doesn’t have a lot of money and grandma is going to help as much as possible. It would be great for her to have a safe place to put the baby.
Thanks
WOW Donna I think you touched base on all the Grandparenting advice I could think of!!! I really like #3 ”Seek to create grandma/grandpa only special memories” I’m soon to be a NEW Mommy (due in April) and I hope my mom reads these amazing tips! I can only imagine this will be as hard for her as it is for me! Thanks for sharing!!!
I would like to give the PNP to a friend I met online about 4 years ago… Her name is Lisa and she is Due Jan 4th, sadly she doesn’t have much of anything for her New Baby due to losing her Job awhile back. She has been beyond sad about it, and I keep trying to tell her “all things will work out in the end.” This PNP would really make her SMILE AGAIN =)
Thanks for doing this!
((hugs))
gayle in VA
I would say Grandparents need to be a sounding board. You touched on it with #1 but also just being a safe place for parents to vent about the frustrations of parenthood. You’ve received great advice, though!
I would donate this to a local daycare/school who is totally funded by private tuition. They are run by a nun who loves children and tries to help everyone but that’s just impossible. They take children from infancy up to grade school so this would be very helpful in their infant area.
I am really lucky that my lil girl’s grandparents are so understanding and they are the first people I will call when I need quick advise but at times they just forget I am the mother and not them.
I would gift it to my favorite charity for underprivileged kids. I am sure it would be really useful addition to the infant section there
Because both mine and my husband’s parents are divorced and remarried, our son and soon to be twin boys have a whole lot of grandparents! I haven’t had any real issues as of yet except for a couple of times my mom and my mother in law made comments around the general subject of me not knowing what i’m doing (how I feed my child, etc)..I am the momma. I DO know what I am doing. Just because it isn’t your way of doing it doesn’t mean your way is the only way. So watch those comments!
I would donate this PNP to my WONDERFUL church (Fort Caroline Baptist Church). They have been such a blessing to my son and I since my husband left for Afghanistan and with twins on the way, I could definitely use an extra PNP as well!
I would donate the second pack and play to grandma! Cause one of the things it’s important to know is that babies need lots of naps! It would also be nice for mommy and daddy to finally get a night to themselves
I’d love to win and give the PNP to my friend Kim. She had a little boy a few weeks ago and is still adjusting to life as a family of 4.
delorap@yahoo.com
I tweeted the giveaway http://twitter.com/delora/status/6669790023
I would keep one for my little ladybug, MJ, and I would give the other monitor to my friend Tami, as she owns her own childcare business and spends so much of her own time helping kids. Plus, she is expecting her own baby now, and deserves something nice!!
Both my parents and my husband’s are on the opposite coast. We are going to miss the time that could have with our baby! I would gift the other PNP to my friend (who is due the same day as me!), Tara. Her and her husband are struggling to find work in this tough economic times! Thanks Graco!
I have to agree with #4. I think that one is difficult all around. Grandparents want to have fun and spoil their grandkids but sometimes it can be too much! My kids are on a special restricted diet and everything they eat must be counted. Even special treats can impact their diet or mood for the day.
I would donate this to Safe Haven which helps Moms and children in need. They can use any baby or child items we can send their way.
I’d gift one to my parents because they are going to be first-time grandparents in April! They’re going to need some gear!
i would like the grandparents to know 2 things. #1 we the parents need support and recommendations even if we don’t act like we do, and that we can never have enough clothes for the kiddos!
sorry – forgot to say that i would give the other one to my church who has been extremely supportive to our family in our times of need.
Our little one (our first)is due in early February. The only thing so far that I wish the grandparent’s would know is that since they were pregnant (30 years ago!) alot of the advice from doctors has changed. My MIL didn’t think at 16 weeks I should walk in the breast cancer 3 day or that running and exercising while pregnant was good for me. It felt like an ongoing battle when I was trying to be healthy for me and the baby. A little less “old” advice and a little more support would go a long way!
I think this give away is fantastic! I would donate the PNP to a local charity called The Jeremiah Program. Their mission is to “change woman’s lives for their children’s future.” They provide living and daycare facilities as woman go through the progam and learn skills that will allow them to find jobs, go to school and build a life for themselves and their children. This program doesn’t feel like a charity, instead they truly empower woman to be their best.
Thank u for that post. I especially liked the “don’t forget about us too” advice! It happened to my husband and I and caused a huge gap in the relationship with my parents. I’d love to donate our give one to our church nursery as it was recently renovated to accommodate more children in our growing parish. There is currently no cribs or cots for napping babies, this would be very helpful and make many parents more willing to leave their baby in the nursery during the service! Thanks and good luck in the grandparenting journey.
I would give one to my parents because they are going to be grandparents of 4, three under the age of one! They do so much for us kids they totally deserve it!
“The one thing I wish Grandparents just knew…” that my mother-in-law is just as welcomed in this house as my own mother is. She seems so worried about saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing… when I’m just happy that my daughter has four awesome grandparents. It is a gift I did not have growing up.
I’d donate the second Pack n’ Play to Safe Haven – a women’s shelter for abused women and their children. My husband works for a local rehab hospital and some of the worse cases he treats are those of children abused at the hands of their caretakers. This may allow for one more child to escape the hands of abuse and be given the chance to live a full life.
This is one of the other things that I still need for my baby that’s due in Feb! The other I would want to donate to my church-We have several single young mothers who could defintely use it
I would give one to my mother-in-law because she has 6 grandchildren and no crib at her house! It would be a huge blessing for us for her to have a place to have the kids sleep at her house.
I would donate a Pack N Play to my teenage cousin expecting a baby in April. She and the father are planning to raise their little girl and finish school. We’re giving her our baby things we no longer need, but we won’t be ready to part with our Pack N Play for a while. I’d also not keep one for myself, so that one would go to a preemie family in our local NICU (having a grown preemie myself, I know how medical expenses can compete with other “necessities”).
I wish my husband’s parents knew how much my kids like when they visit and that they’re more than welcome to stay longer or come more often.
I’d give the PNP to my grandma, who has over 50 great grandchildren and now even two great-great grandchildren.
I am lucky in that one set of my children’s grandparents is pretty involved (as much as they can be, being long distance)and really handles things right, respecting us as parents, and really handling their new roles gracefully. I wish my daughter was as lucky with her other grandparent, but you can’t have everything in life!
Since we are expecting our second bundle of joy in a month, we could really use a PNP (ours from our daughter was recalled) and I would give the second one to my daughters grandparents, who would love to have her stay with them, but really don’t have a suitable place for her to sleep. With a second grandbaby (and I’m sure more to come!) coming, I know they will be needing to set up a place for grandkids to come to stay with them. A PNP would be the perfect start!
As a Mom of four children, I often remind my Mom and Mother in law that I appreciate their advice, and help, but I don’t always like when they cross boundaries. I just enjoy having them at my disposal to help out when necessary.
I would share this pack and play with a young lady in my church that is single and 7 months pregnant with her first baby. She currently lives with her grandparents, and I know she’d be very appreciative of the gift.
I wish my mom knew that cloth diapering is A LOT easier now than it was when she had kids and it’s nothing to be scared of! lol.
I would donate a Pack n’Play to my church. I’m know they could either use it in their nursery or give it to a mom in need of one!
I love that my mom is always willing to teach my kids new things. And many friends admire that my mom will spend time with her grandkids taking them out to interesting places and teaching them things that I don’t really have time for.
I would donate the pack n play to my aunt who does government baby sitting and always needs extra cribs.
I wish my Mom knew to steer clear of all of the “obvious” advice for my wife. It’s a bit challenging to continuously try to remind my wife that she’s “just trying to be helpful. I know her heart is in the right place, it’s just painful to constantly smile and nod…
If we were to win the Pack n’Play we’d donate it to our local church as some of the others have suggested. We see families all the time in need of the basics as they prepare for children. We see this item as a necessity and would be sure to find the right couple!
I so agree that grandparents must be consistent. Sometimes, they can cross that boundary, and children can start acting up. We as parents must keep that consistency up, and the grandparents should do their part as well. They are a huge role in their grand-children’s lives!!!
I would donate this Pack n Play to a daycare provider that I used to work for. She has many young children, and I believe that something like that would help her.