Jealousy (The Green Eyed Momster)

Before babies, DH and I were a two income household.  We both liked our careers, and we often discussed that future children would more than likely be in day care.  Moving to a new city a year ago, we again prepared ourselves that we would need to tackle the challenge of finding day care for our children once DH found a job.  Interestingly enough, the current state of the economy had alternate plans for him once we got to Georgia.

Making lemonade from lemons, we rationalized that there was definitely a bright side to DH not working.  Since we moved in June, Baby wouldn’t start kindergarten until August.  We decided it would be best for both kids to be home with dad for the summer.  What I didn’t count on, was the amount of personal jealousy that would result.

We agreed to be two working parents.  Now, I was the only one getting up early and leaving every day.  Alone.  No daily trips to the park.  No fun afternoons lounging by the pool.  I was the one left out.  I felt angry, even though I knew I was doing what was best for my family.  I felt I was the one sacrificing everything, but in fact, we did move for my job.  DH had already sacrificed enough.  He deserved a fun summer vacation with his children, right?

 So how does one keep the green eyed monster mommy at bay?  First, I made sure I expressed my feelings with DH before they turned into something I couldn’t control. Communication is key. 

Second, I used every opportunity to plan fun activities with the kids on the weekend.  Nobody packs a better picnic lunch than mom (except maybe my own mom), and it’s crazy how a simple packed lunch makes an every day trip to the park seem special. 

Third, always remember the grass is always greener on the other side.  I may have deadlines and meetings, but daddy has dirty diapers and dinner to cook.  Together we help each other focus on alternate priorities making our family stronger from our decisions. 

Will we ever be back to a two income family? Time will only tell. Maintaining a happy family and a healthy marriage is work — but it’s all worth it in the end.

 Are you ever jealous of your spouse’s time spent with the kids?  How do you cope and improve the situation?

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4 Responses to “Jealousy (The Green Eyed Momster)”

  1. Surprised Mama September 14, 2010 at 5:42 pm #

    Wow! We are having that same issue in our house. Well…except for the fact that I’m also a little jealous because I don’t have a job to go to every day. I’m glad you touched on communicating about the issue because that has really gotten us through only having a one income household. We also find family things to do in the evenings and on the weekends so that his dad doesn’t get the jealous bug about not getting to spend all day at home with him like me. It seems to work for us. :)

  2. stay at home mom of 3 September 14, 2010 at 9:06 pm #

    I’ve been staying at home with the kids pretty much for the last couple of years and my DH gets jealous sometimes. He misses the kiddos but he is happy knowing they are safe and happy with me. On the weekends and at night, he makes up for it by entertaining the kids for a little bit or going out for family days. family days are fun but they only happen maybe once a month. He’s a great dad

  3. Lindsay Lebresco September 15, 2010 at 9:05 am #

    Oh Karen- you know I connect with this post. That momster rears it’s head more often then I’d like to admit and if you can believe it, we’re going on 4 years this month! Hard to believe. Communication is important and trust me, I communicate A LOT when I’m not totally happy – I know that must get old for him to hear but as my oldest enters Kindergarten & my youngest turns 4, the jealousy of knowing that I’ll never get to have the chance he’s had with the kids becomes almost unbearable.

    Oh please, please tell me you’re coming to PA again soon! :)

  4. Karen Hartzell September 15, 2010 at 11:16 am #

    Knowing the Jed is happy at home with DH and he can be there to pick up baby from 1st grade and not need extended care are 2 great pluses.

    It nice knowing there is jealousy on both sides for others too. I am sure DH has a tinge when it comes to me being with adults all day. :-)

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